Tuesday, October 10, 2006
BIG BOOHOO.
O wells. Anyhoo i promised to upload the pictures that day. so there goes!
at Cine's HK cafe. ((:
Amanda&Natalie ((:
Actually theres like plenty of photos. But, hahaha. What for putting up so many when the main point's already been brought up! i.e. We both had fun that day! Was really a nice meetup. ((:
Now back to life proper, my mood swings are really getting on me. Im able to feel down at a moment, pissed later and maybe slightly better towards the end. Its really a very small margin btween getting sad over something or getting pissed over the same thing. Its complexed to actually consolidate the random thoughts that were running in so deep. I cant actually define my emotions. Was it actually sad? lonely? fustrated? or maybe its just im too free t actually let my mind go wild.
How i wish im like somewhere real relaxing and with my goodfriends there playing and chatting. Need not be alot but perhaps one who knows me really well. Somewhat sometimes it puts me to thinking, having so many friends there but just how many will be there for you when you really need them. Just how many are really named as Real friends. Just how many. If there is, why most of the time i gotta pick up the phone and call. Or maybe why am i always making the first move. It really makes me thinking am i the only one hanging on this loosely fragile string of friendship when the other just merely standing on the fence; not doing anything. Its just solely me whoose gona either make it or break it. Anyone able to tell me. It really irratating and vexing to just try to read through one's mind. Or is this a sign showing the RED signal that i should stop caring for a friend. Everything has a limit.
At times i think, why am i always showing care and yet i dun get a single concern back, not one at all. Just dun help to make me feel good by saying that there is, when in fact i cant even feel it at all, wads more to be able to see or listen. Then it'll make me to do things that i didnt want to do like stop talking just totally get distant. Or You know wad. Fine Maybe i should just lie back and dun even do anything and just see whether issit really just me hangin on that string. It cant always be me doing all the caring concerning stuffs or even the one to start talking. Its how tiring and wads worst, making me think that okay my friend doesnt really give any two damn to me so why am i always the one like clinging on this stupid relationship. Although it really hurts me to be not able to say anything but acutally infact, i do have many things to say. I want to share. I want to laugh like before. I want everything to go back like before.
However reality always steps in. No matter what, theres never a time machine back to the past. We are always told to look forward and start to accept the things we had in the future and not dwelling over the past. But maybe or not, its always tyical of people to compare. So because of comparision we have all those feelings emotions hitting on us.
Its just so stupid idiotic vexing fucking sad. I dun want to be left alone. I dun want it to be always me doing everything.
I want my bestfriend now ))))))):
Youre the only one whom im able to just lean back and say nothing at all.
Cause' you already knew whats running in my head.